


Burning Cold

by Boisterous



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Epic, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:28:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8020903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boisterous/pseuds/Boisterous
Summary: Squall developed a mild depression after the war, Seifer cares, everything unfolds from there.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This started as an RPG between myself and my best friend who died in 2015, to finally cope with her loss, to hold onto the memories we've forged and to end what we've started, I'm writing this down.





	1. Chapter 1

  
_In loving memory of the best friend I could have wished for._

** Burning Cold**

He was slowly becoming an even more boring and lonely person than ever before. It was not as if Squall Leonhart was ever alone as in isolated from company. In fact with being the youngest Commander of Garden, a war hero of sorts and newest celebrity, his privet time was close to zero, also he had kinda found himself in a relationship after the war had ended and even though he normally disregarded this, it sure consumed part of his rare time. That was what really made him feel lonely, even empty of sorts.  
Someone or something just always seemed to push itself between himself and the things he would like to do.  
Whether it was some posh politician or his resinously clingy girlfriend or the 'gang' as they had started calling themself.  
He would rather have some private time at the training center for once, slaying some T-Rexsaurs or even Grats would be fine for him if he would only finally be able to feel adrenaline rushing through his veins again, numbing his thoughts, his memories, his crippled mind.  
He caught himself glimpsing at Lionhearts closed case, leaning on the opposite wall, he swore he saw a thin layer of dust on its dark surface already. He tore his gaze away, redirecting it at the crookedly towering heap of paper work.  
He kept wondering if this was actually some sort of personalized purgatory. That had to be it, he had actually died in that war, after all it is rather strange that no one ever asked or mentioned how it had even been possible for him to survive being impaled on a giant icicle, so this had to be his hellish never ending punishment a shitload of bureaucratic synaptic atrophy.  
Yawning he lay his cheek on his desks surface, enjoying the pleasantly cool feeling against his warmed skin. When had he last drunken something other than cold coffee? Maybe he should go for a short walk and fetch some water? Maybe a snack too?  
Or maybe he should get his lazy ass up and stop procrastinating!  
His right eyelid twitched in time with the seconds hand of his clock.  
Maybe he should relax them for a moment, a short break could not hurt.  
When grayish blue eyes opened again, a little over three hours had passed, he sat up, straightening his shoulders, which resounded in an unsatisfactory 'plop' of his spine, the soreness stayed still.  
"Whatever",he groaned hoarsely, closing his laptop.  
He stood up and left his office, remembering to lock the door.  
This early end of work might just be what he needed to recollect himself a little.  
He made a beeline for the elevator that would take him to the first floor, once he stepped out through the automatic doors, he made a mental note to change the music, so they wouldn't be sued for mental torture. Being deep in thought over whatever his sleep deprived brain settled on for a mere second or less, Squall missed the person sneaking up on him.  
"Hey princess, what you up too? Set your office on fire? Or is there possibly a lesser reason for your pert ass to be wandering these sacred halls during daylight?"  
Squall groaned inwardly, of all people inhabiting Garden, it had to be him, he ran into.  
"Let me get a word in too, will ya?, Seifer murmured clearly sulky about not getting an answer at all.  
The brunet however did not feel like being the one interrogated, least by this cocky, arrogant, self centered ass, who worked so hard to keep his act up. This conclusion upon previous observations, had led to a string of questions Squall wanted to ask. But what if the ex-knight couldn't handle a reminder out of the blue or maybe wouldn't want to give away such personal detail or maybe he had imagined it?  
He wasn't even sure just when those questions first came up within his own mind, he sorted it roughly into the time span between D-district and the end of the war. This confusing time, this time he had found out that he still had family, but all he had cared about had been that hurt expression, that self hatred, dulling those green eyes he'd seen in that damn prison. He had debated the reason for Seifers treason ever since and had come to certain conclusions himself.  
For one had he been the one demanding to rid Seifer of all crimes he'd been accused of, further had he been the one to accept Seifer back to Balamb Garden.  
In his opinion Seifer should be the one celebrated as a hero after all. The remaining society howe-  
"What?", Seifer had spun him around, just as he had been about to open the door to the training center, why was he still there anyways?  
"What the hell are you doing? Trying to finally get yourself killed? Come on 'RinRin' can't be that horrible, can she?"  
Squall was staring at Seifer unblinking, his face emotionless as ever, taking a moment to comprehend what he had just heard.  
"It's the training center, what do you think I'll do in there?", he asked back, staring Seifer down.  
"Cut that Shivas bitch stare Squally, you know it's no use with me anyways and you're no use in the state you're in. You do realize you didn't bring Lion Heart, do you?"  
No he had not noticed, he also could not refrain from flexing his very empty hand as he stared into the blondes face.  
"So you either took material arts training from chicken wuss or you're fulfilling your dream of becoming a T-Rex snack OR you haven't slept in Hyne knows how many hours and are henceforth acting mentally incompetent.", he finished grinning rather smugly, his expression changed however as he let go of Squalls shoulder and crossed his arms in front of his chest instead.  
"When did you last sleep princess?"  
Squall shrugged, averting his gaze from those piercing eyes, why though? He was not obliged to justify his actions for Seifer.  
"Before your tired brain gets all defensive on me, let's get you into bed.", Seifer started steering Squall back towards the elevator, Squall let him.  
When he entered his office the next morning, the first thing he noticed, was a flask, a bagel – salmon, his favorite – and a snippet, lying on his desk.  
'The Docs prescription: three meals a day and at least six hours of sleep – S'  
Hadn't he locked his office last night?


	2. Chapter 2

While it might have taken Squall a couple of days to get accustomed to Seifer's new guarddog-behavior he could not pretend to dislike this caring attitude towards himself.  
He also could not deny that it did him very good, the time he spent with Seifer was time away from his work and all those social obligations. The other seemed to expect nothing from him in return and while it was hard to explain the feeling, harder even to name it, Squall slowly learned to link it to the blond.  
“Developing an oral fixation now?”, Squall looked up at the door – he had given Seifer his access code some days ago to refrain him from breaking into his office – pen still in his mouth.  
“I was just thinking.”, he muttered, while Seifer spread what he had brought for breakfast on his desk.  
“More like zoning out from the look on your face”, he mocked, handling the other a large cup of steaming dark roast.  
“Careful it's very hot.”, he advised whilst handing out Tupperware containers as well.  
Squall cleared his files away, then sat down, taking sips of his coffee and watching the other prepare everything, it was like having a picnic in his office, only the checkered table cloth was missing, he joked smiling slightly.  
“What's the matter? Did I miss something?”, Squall shook his head.  
“Just thinking.”  
“Nothing out of the ordinary than.”, Seifer dropped into the chair opposite Squalls desk.  
“Tuck in princess.”, Squall scowled but did not say anything about the nickname he had grown accustomed to them as well it seemed, he definitely preferred them over Rinoas terrible names for him, what 17 year old called her boyfriend darling? She tried so hard to act all sophisticated in public that she overdid it be light years.  
He picked at his scrambled eggs while sinking deeper into the thoughts about Rinoa and her latest escapades.  
A piercing clang tore him from his musings, Seifer had but down his fork onto the glass surface of his desk a bit harshly, checking it for damage just then, finding none and redirecting his focus onto Squall.  
“What's bothering you Squally?”, he asked no mock but concern in his voice.  
The brunet shrugged, putting his fork aside as well.  
“Rinoa's behaving strange lately.”, he stated finally after taking his time to think about how to phrase or even approach the matter.  
Seifer usually acted kinda strange when it came to the Caraway offspring, Squall assumed that Seifer could still have feelings for her, as they used to date the summer before the war.  
“More strange than usual you mean?”, the other tried to joke, it did not help to ease the mood however.  
Another shrug followed, as Squall tried to put what was putting him on edge into a coherent sentence.   
“She's going on and on about closing the distance between us and that she won't put up with my ignoring her all the time much longer 'cause it's not working out the way she wants this to. I don't even know what's gotten into her.”, he had picked up his fork again, stabbing a piece of egg harshly and glaring at it.  
“Maybe you got her knocked up.”, Seifer did not look at him as he muttered his response, this way he did not see Squall flush scarlet, hurrying to recollect his composure.  
“She couldn't be”, he whispered, clearly uncomfortable with the course this conversation had taken.  
Seifer perked up at that however. “Why not? Things happen.”, he tried to play it cool but his waggling leg gave his curiosity away.  
“Whatever.”, Squall took on his usual defiant tone. “If her well being interest you that much, maybe you two should get back together, you'd have my blessings as I seem to be to well..I can't do relationships.”, he ended rather abruptly.  
Seifer however wore a genuine smile. “No need thanks, I'm not into réchauffé.", Squall did not get it but left it at that.  
They ate silently after that, once everything was empty they started to tidy the desk so Squall could resume his work. "See you for dinner then.", was he imagining things or did Seifers hand linger longer than usual on his shoulder? 

Around noon, Squall took a stroll to his quarters, he wanted to shower before attending the meeting Quistis had set up with some foreign clients. Just as he was about to enter his code, he noticed that his door wasn't closed properly.   
Carefully he slid it open, peeking into his living room. Or what used to be his living room, he certainly hadn't bought those frilly pink cushions, wasn't that Angle's dogbed?  
Swallowing his wrath he made his way to the bathroom, at least the intruder did not seem to be there right now. He assumed the worst as his nose itched with the sweet smell of artificial flowers, he switched on the light anyways and took in the unfamiliarity of what used to be his safe haven.  
His belongings were crammed into the farthest corner to make room for several colorful boxes and pens and sprays and unnecessary stuff really. Squall felt a dull pain rising behind his eyes, the usual migraine, that followed after every little liability, he didn't feel able to handle or avert himself.  
He took a few deep breaths to calm the rising nausea, told himself that he was exaggerating and took his shower like he had intended to when he first entered his rooms.  
He made it quick however, feeling on edge as if he had to flee from a hostile camp. After getting dressed in fresh clothes, he grabbed his emergency backpack, which was always packed and ready for spontaneous missions, this one might become one of the hardest he ever had to face though.

Squall made his way back to his office in a half jog, trying to avoid everything and everyone as good as possible. Luckily he had been able to end the meeting quite early as he had decided that those people, trying to hire SEEDs for their company, were not to trust.   
Robbing the earth of it's energy depicting it to be the Perpetuum mobile, green energy they called it. He would certainly have an eye on the developments Shinra Inc. would make in the future. But for now he had his own catastrophe going on and to avert any confrontation, he simply had to lock the door behind him, mute his intercom and bury himself in all the work he could possibly find. 

Several people had knocked on his door, had tried to call him out but he had ignored them all. Seifer had come by several times as well and even though he missed the blondes presence by now he was afraid that he would have to justify his actions before him.  
Besides Seifer hadn't stopped by for several hours anyways, most likely Squall had managed to once again push everyone away.  
He sighed and rubbed his sore neck, the old leather couch, Cid had left behind, was to run down to even compare it to anything resembling comfortable. His office also may have hold some rations now, but still no bathroom application, as there were restrooms installed on each floor for general use.  
Squall took a look at the old grandfather clock in the far right corner, another piece of furniture left by his predecessor. It was nearing zero zero thirty hours, so he had managed to hole up for 34 hours straight what an achievement. Maybe he could risk the short walk to the bathroom? He could take the left route along the circular hallway, that way he would not have to cross his quarters.  
He shifted slightly in his chair, then threw another glance at the clock as if expecting the carved in Guardian Forces to give some advice. They did not of course, so he slowly stood up, crossed his office and stopped for a moment to listen for footsteps before opening the door and jostling the one sitting across from it awake.  
“So you're still alive at least.”, Seifer groaned, wiping his face with his right hand.  
“What are you doing here?”, Squall demanded in a whisper.  
“Waiting for you obviously.”, Seifer stood up then, giving Squall a concerned once over.  
“So I sorta get why you felt like entrenching yourself, I kinda hoped you'd get that you can come to me whenever you feel troubled tho'. Otherwise you'd probably die from either thirst or kidney failure one of these days.”, Squall felt strange listening to Seifers words, seeing that small smirk that always fought its way through no matter how serious the conversation.  
“I didn't want to-”  
“You don't Squally. Whatever you're about to say just don't. Let me help you for a change.”, Squall averted his eyes, he could not stand those piercing eyes and settled for Seifers forehead instead.  
“Come with me then.”, Seifer offered, taking the silence for a positive response. “At least my couch is extendable it'll be way more comfortable to kip on it then that old rug of yours.”  
He did not shrug off the leading hand on his shoulder and so once again allowed Seifer to steer him into the right direction away from the abyss of his own mind.

“You have the master keycard so you can come and go as you like.”, Seifer told Squall while unlocking his door. Squall nodded, then followed Seifer into his quarters. Seifer might never had made SEED but Squall had thought it wiser to appoint him private rooms given his reputation.   
“You want something to eat? I could cook while you use the bathroom, shower and everything, I can wash your clothes as well if you'd like to I can lend you something to sleep in. Just leave your stuff outside the bathroom, I've got a spare toothbrush somewhere in the cabinet just suit yourself.”, Squall did not know how to answer all that at once so he settled for something he had wanted to ask for a few weeks now: “Where did you pick up how to cook? All I can do is heating whatever's inside the can.” “Well you can only have so many social hours, serving in the cafeteria, before you get the knack of cooking.”, Seifer joked, while collecting everything he'd need from his various kitchen cabinets. Squall left him to it and went into the narrow bathroom, which, to his delight, did not smell chemically sweet but of sea air that came in trough the open window.

“Umm could you lend me something then?”, Squall stood in the doorframe, clutching on a towel, wrapped around his waist, while watching Seifer bend over a steaming pot.  
Seifer seemed to have momentarily forgotten about him, from the look on his face, but regained his composure quite quickly.  
“Of course wait here, could you stir the sauce please?”, he somehow managed to scramble around Squall and onto the hall. A minute later he came back with a heap of clothing in his arms.  
“Choose whatever you're comfortable with.”, he said awkwardly holding it out to Squall, who took it nodding. “Thanks.”, he mumbled before making a beeline back into the bathroom.   
He eyed himself in the mirror, his reflection looked several years younger then he felt, in those to big clothes, or maybe he looked his own age for a change? Shaking his head slightly, he decided to not ponder over things now or Seifer might get worried what took him so long. Squall stroked the wet strands, clinging to his forehead out of his face and took a deep breath, to relax, noticing for the first time the familiar smell, that clung to the clothes he wore. A slight smile spread across his chapped lips as he subconsciously took in another breath.  
“Dinner's ready!”, Seifers voice tore him from his musings, he hurriedly picked up the spare clothes and exited the bathroom.  
“Where should I put these?”, he asked awkwardly, nodding to his laden arms.  
“Just drop them onto my bed while I set the table.” Seifers bedroom, the last room in Seifers 'home', how could he willingly give away his privacy to him while he experiences a personal crisis as soon as his own privacy is so much as scratched? He had to mentally scold himself once again, he would not start drifting off into self-doubts while being so exposed.  
Squall quickly dropped of the clothes and returned to the living area, taking a seat on the couch.  
“Here you go.”, Seifer placed a full plate in front of him, before sitting down beside the other with his own serving in hand. He watched Squall pick up his fork and roll up a few spaghetti, face screwed up in concentration.  
“You wanna watch some TV? Or would you rather talk about what's bothering you?”, a shrug followed his question.  
Seifer stretched for the remote on the desk, smiling softly “TV it is then.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Morning sunshine!”, Seifer ruffled through Squalls already unruly hair, earning himself a stern glare. “It's so handy having a caffeine-junky for a roomie.”, he fawned with a grin, pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed coffee.  
“So, any plans for today? Like, I don't know talking to your 'girlfriend'? I mean I'm not complaining I enjoy your company but you ignored her for three days straight, that's not normal couple behavior and chicken wuss is getting on my nerve also, they figured I must have taken you hostage or something.”, Seifer ended his babbling with a small shrug as if to add that he does not care what others are talking about.  
“I have to, don't I?”, Squall sighed, swinging his cup, so small waves where emerging from the dark liquid. “Squally you're commander of SEED, have been for nearly a year already, if you don't want Rinoa near you, just kick her out.”, Squall simply shrugged, taking a sip. It is not as if Rinoa had ever listened to whatever he wanted, why should she start doing so now?  
“Sometimes I wonder why you're together at all. I mean you could simply break up with her and spare us all the drama.”, Seifer argued, never looking away from the other, thus catching his hurt expression and feeling guilty about what he'd just said.  
“Look sorry Squall I didn't mean it like that. It's just that you will feel better too, once this is over and done with.”  
“I know”, he sighed, “it's just that.. I don't want to hurt her I guess.. I'm afraid of that conversation.”, he finally admitted, averting Seifers gaze as always when he talked about personal matters.  
“No one likes to have this talk, but trust me it's hurting her more if you keep procrastinating. Hey at least she will always hate me most 'cause I was the first to ever break it with her.”, Seifer added smugly, but his presumptuous grin softened as soon as Squall looked him in the eye.  
“But what about her powers? I was supposed to be her knight after all wouldn't it I don't know, make her go mad if she's left alone?”  
“As if you two had bonded!”, Seifer spat, his features changed to an emotionless mask quickly though. “Trust me you wouldn't be able to sit here with me if you were her knight. She'd seek you out, use her powers to listen in on your conversations and thoughts she'd order you to come back to her and if you try to resist... It'll only get worse.”, he gulped, his hands, clenched around his mug, were fidgeting.  
Squall had the pressing urge to lighten the mood, seeing this expression he knew so well from his own reflection, edged into Seifer's face, he shouldn't feel this way. He should feel like he felt the last couple of days, safe and welcome and happy.  
“So how do you start a break up talk after ignoring your girlfriend for so long? Hey Rinoa guess you already suspected this, but I don't want to continue this relationship please take your ugly pillows with you?”  
At this Seifer actually snorted into his mug. “Fuck princess you've got humor after all!”, he beamed at Squall, who could not avert a chuckle of his own, as he watched the cold coffee run down Seifers chin. Maybe this is how it was meant to be, without Garden and Guardian Forces at least, Squall thought. He eyed Seifer several more times over the course of their breakfast, their easy banter made him temporarily forget about what was lying ahead and which consequences he might have to face in the near future.

“Tell me what happened.”, Seifer demanded as they waited for the elevator.  
“Well if I'm still able to I will. See you.”, he sighed, as the doors slid open. He stepped into the lift and rode up to the third floor, a sour feeling of foreboding settling in his stomach. He gulped as the doors slid open once more, to reveal Rinoa, tapping her foot on the floor and having her arms crossed in front of her chest, her usually stunning features, contorted with rage.  
“There you are! What got into you Squall? Why were you avoiding me?”, she screeched, her face turning red from the strain already.  
“Rinoa please calm d-”  
“CALM DOWN? You don't tell me to calm down Leonhart! I thought we were over this! You don't ignore the people you like, least your own girlfriend!”, she was spitting with rage now, stomping her feet and making wild gestures towards Squall,who felt at a loss for words.  
“I needed time to think things over.”, he stated weakly, his voice quavering audibly.  
“But that's all you ever do! Thinking, not talking, backing out of things!”  
“At least I'm not forcing things!”, Squall finally snapped, his clenched fist, making his leather gloves crunch.  
Rinoas eyes narrowed instantly, her brows were drawn deep, he voice dangerously calm.  
“What are you trying to say?”  
“I didn't want you to move here-”  
“But-”  
“No Rinoa it's my turn. You never listen, you rush things, you force me into things. I've tried to tell you this a year ago, when your insubordinate behavior endangered not only me or my friends but the whole world. You start fights in the middle of hallways. You wanted this relationship and started it without ever asking me about it. So I'm ending it without asking for your consent.”, Squall hadn't raised his voice, his face was as calm as his tone except for his drawn brows, Rinoa however looked as though he had slapped her across the face.  
“You can't just break up with me!”  
“Looks like I just did.”, Squall retorted indifferently while passing her on his way to his office.  
“Squall wait-”, he did turn around.  
“Rinoa just pack your stuff and leave, please.”, his voices monotone tone left Rinoa speechless, so Squall used this rare opportunity to cross the remaining distance to his office, shutting the door behind himself.   
He let out a long-drawn breath but could not fend the smile that was fighting its way onto his face, he felt like a heavy weight had finally been taken off his shoulders. 

Around noon, Squalls work was disrupted by a knock on his door.  
“Come in!”, he called out, without even looking up. Only when the scent of warm bread hit his nostrils, he lifted his face.  
“Hey”, he greeted the blond, nodding to the chair in front of his desk.  
“Hey yourself.”, Seifer said grinning, flopping down and putting a brown paper bag in front of the other.  
“Burgers. But more importantly”, he leaned forward, placing his chin on his crossed fingers and smirked mischievously, remembering Squall of a girl about to gossip.  
His waggling his eyebrows finally broke Squalls silence.  
“Okay I'll tell, just don't do that anymore. I broke up with her.”  
“No shit Sherlock! Chicken wuss told me hours ago, your luck Trepe's on a field trip with her Trepies and Selphie's assigned to a mission. Kinneas is maintaining a neutral stance by the way. He seems to think that you want to sow your wild oats or something.”  
“But if you already knew-”   
“I wanna hear it from you.”, he interrupted him with a exaggerated eye-roll.   
“Come on Squally we're past this aren't we?”, at this Squall snorted with laughter.  
“That's what she said.”, he explained, noticing Seifers confused look, he gave in than, rehearsing their fight and even enjoying it. Seifer really was a great audience, cursing under his breath and broaching into Squalls narration by making mean comments about Rinoa's mental health but most importantly, he gave Squall the feeling that what he had done had been the right decision.

It was long past curfew when Squall finally decided to call it a day and leave his office,thus it was no surprise that he did not run into anybody on his way.  
The doors slid open, the familiar smell, that seemed to welcome him in, calmed him down immediately.  
“What are you doing here?”, Seifer asked grinning, leaning out of the bathroom to check the living room, toothbrush still in hand. “Rinoa quit the field, didn't she?”, he clarified, seeing Squall's confused expression and the dawning comprehension.  
“Right.”, he answered slowly, then shrugged.  
“I like it here, also I don't own sweatpants.”, he answered, smiling awkwardly.  
Seifer ducked back into the bathroom, only to reemerge seconds later, throwing a greyish blue bundle at Squall. “Choose something to watch while I brush my teeth.”, he yelled, with, at least from the sound of it, his toothbrush back in his mouth, already.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been feeling really off lately 'cause it's been her birthday first, closely followed by her dying day.

**Chapter 4**

Squall slammed the paper down onto his desk groaning frustratedly.  
Leave it to C. Slander to spread rumors off his failed relationship all over the continent, all the way to Esthar even, considering the several missed calls from President Loire.  
Hesitantly, Squall took another look at the front page of the DD 'Magic run out'.  
He had finally been able to make his friends shut up about the whole thing, had Rinoa ultimately move out of Garden for real the day before yesterday and now this.  
How did she even find out? What should he do now? These articles about his private life – or rather about this made up, teeny pop star life, he supposedly seemed to lead in public eyes – were slowly starting to destroy Squall's reputation with his affiliates. He also had to prepare the upcoming SEED exams but was not able find a suitable setting. Lately fewer minor missions had been commissioned and he could not and certainly would not send his newbies into actual battle fields, some of them where so young still as many children had wanted to start education at Garden after the second war.  
Squall stared at the huge grandfather clock in the far right corner, Shiva seemed to stare back at him reproachfully. He gulped, these carvings had always seemed rather lively to him even as a kid. He remembered now, how he used to seek out this clock, sit in front of it and talk to the magnificently carved Guardian Forces even. Why not try it? He mused, it had once before helped him through desperate times after all and also he was alone, it was not as if anyone would witness his moment of mental alienation.  
“So where to start”, he mumbled, scratching his scar. “Well, the exams might be more important, but this journalist is bothering me more.”, he started, averting Shivas still reproachful eyes and talking to Ifrit instead, who seemed to be more open for his earthly struggles.  
“It's just that she makes me look like a stupid little boy who got bored of his toy and tossed it without thinking twice about it. The others think so too, they feel sad for Rinoa and believe that I've acted out on a whim and shouldn't be so selfish.”, Squalls fists were clenched, his voice hollow as he talked about it, after all this was the first time he ever voiced his apprehensions concerning his friends aloud. “And Lo- La-”, he stocked, Squall did not even know how to call that man in a monologue, while the other tried to talk family on the phone. “Laguna, he acts as though I ought to tell him everything that happens in my life the moment it happens. He acts as though we have a, I don't now, bond or something. That as his... well he wants to be part of my life but I don't know how to do that and if I even want that just like that.”, he snapped his fingers, then stared at Leviathan for a while, tracing his scales and sinking into thoughts until he snapped out of it again, regaining his composure. “Slander! She scapegoats me,she even wrote about it being mostly my fault if Rinoa goes mad and tries to conquer the world.”, he smiled sheepishly at that, looking up at Siren's omniscient smile, he felt himself flush. “I know I thought so too but Seifer explained it couldn't be and I trust him.”, he stopped, staring at the pendulum. “I do.”, he whispered, a smile spread on his face, lightening the usually stern features, but it fell as soon as it came. “Seifer...”, he looked at Shiva. “What if they pull him into the picture? His reputation barely recuperated since the war, most civilians still think he is a villain and ought to be punished by martial law.”, he shook his head. “No I shouldn't waste time, thinking about this stuff I have to finish the planning for the exam!”, he took a last glance at Shiva and could swear her smile was more prominent than before, he shook his head once again. Mental alienation as he had predicted.  
He tried not to ponder however, how good he felt, after finally having voiced what was weighing him down, for once. Maybe he'd find a solution for the exam dilemma now.

“Squall. Hey wait for me.”, he turned around and only barely avoided collision with Selphie, who grinned at him.  
“What's up boss-man?”, she asked cheerfully, though Squall somehow sensed she had not come running after him for small talk.  
“Not much I guess, been working on the practical part of the upcoming SEED exam.”, he stated, resuming on his way but in a slower pace so Selphie could comfortably follow.  
“Oh right it's that time of the year again. That explains why we've seen you so rarely lately.”, so that is the snag.  
“Irvine and I”, Squall found the blush that spread on her cheeks quite adorable, “we thought maybe we'd do a little come together, as most of us are currently paused anyways. Will you come to?”  
Squall thought about it for a while, he really had not seen much of his friends lately, as he had been fed up with the constant talk about Rinoa and taken to avoid them instead.  
“Seifer could come to if he'd like to.”, Selphie chirped.  
It was Squall's turn to blush now. “Why would he?”, he asked stuttering only slightly.  
Selphie smiled knowingly, “Well, you two did spent a lot of time together lately and Quisty told us that you used to before everything happened too. Just an offer you know?”, she added shrugging.  
“Let me know if you come tomorrow at eight in Irvine's room.”

“Selphie asked us to come to a gathering tomorrow.”, Squall told Seifer around a mouthful of whatever it was Seifer had handed him.  
“Us?”, Seifer asked, eying him warily.  
“Well, she said you could tag along if you wanted to..”, Squall mumbled, leaving out that she had mainly said so to convince himself to come.  
“Mhm...will you go?”, Seifer watched Squall closely, smiling at the way his bread got stuck in the paste he was supposed to spoon up.  
“Probably, I mean I haven't spend much time with them lately. Selphie made that quite clear.”, he added smiling,then he looked up.  
“You coming along then?”  
“Nope.”, Seifer grinned at Squalls flustered expression.  
“They're your friends I'll feel like the fifth wheel and you all will feel equally awkward cause I don't get stuff and you'll have to explain. So, lets spare us that trouble.”  
Squall glanced sideways at the blonde, checking his features for a hint on his mood or real intentions but couldn't find any. He knew though that this was not the real reason which bothered Seifer, the way he had talked it over quickly, was just him trying to avert something.  
Squall sighed and took another piece of bread.  
“What am I eating here anyways?”, he asked exasperatedly, scooping what he'd just dropped onto his shirt up with his finger.  
“It's called Baba Ghanoush”, Seifer answered chuckling.  
“Okay now I know what the food which outsmarts me is called.”, he murmured, glaring at his food, before popping it into his mouth, acting as though hr did not notice Seifer scooting closer.

Seifer had handed Squall a sixpack of some beer brand he did not know, still consisting that Squall better go alone.  
So it was only him, who knocked on Irvines door, awkwardly clutching onto the beverages.  
Zell opened the door and tuck out his head to look at the hallway.4  
“You didn't bring him?”, Squall scowled slightly at the statement, that made it sound as though he usually brought his unbehaved dog along.  
“Seifer didn't wont to come.”, he simply stated while squeezing past the material artist.  
Nodding at everyone else, he put the beer onto the table and settled into a chair next to Irvine.  
“You do know we're not allowed to drink?”, Quistis asked, eyeing the beer critically.  
Squall shrugged, folding his arms over his chest. “Seifer gave it to me, couldn't have left it in the corridor now could I?”  
“Lighten up 'Instructor' it's only beer, if you're looking for anything harder it's over there.”, Irvine quipped smirking, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at a cabinet.  
Even Squall smiled at her flabbergasted expression, though he turned the beer down and stuck to water for the evening.  
“Soo? Any plans for the exam yet?”, Selphie asked after the most recent topics had been talked about and somewhat of an awkward silence had settled.  
“Only vaguely.”, Squall murmured, staring at his arms, watching as goosebumps slowly rose, he should have brought his jacket, but it lay on Seifers couch how convenient, at least he would have to go back there to fetch it and spend the night there if he is there anyways.  
“Earth to Commander Squally chrr do you read me?”, Squall nearly jumped, had he been zoning out?  
“Umm sorry didn't catch much sleep lately.”  
“Maybe Seifer needs a bigger bed then.”, Selphie chirped grinning, earning exasperated groans from the boys.  
“The exam.”, Squall tried to ignore they shared glances.  
“Well I thought of something but it might just be stupid. See there's no suitable mission so I thought maybe we could do a sort of obstacle course with monsters, instructors, minor side missions they'll have to achieve and a fight against a couple of strong SEEDs.”, he waved it off the moment he'd finished. “But it's probably stupid, it was late when I thought of it and I was reading some gaming magazine of Seifers prior to thinking of that.  
“I think it's quite good, at least you're really testing their qualification while we were doomed to wait at that fountain back then.”, Zell mused, earning nods.  
“We're making this good Squally, leave it to the gang.”, Selphie declared before pulling a notebook and markers from under the table.

 

* * *

 

Bonus scene: Meanwhile at Seifer's

The moment he had closed the door into Squalls face, he let out the breath, he had held for to long, making his way to his couch and flopping down onto it, face first.  
“How should they ever except me? It's a miracle Squall doesn't bear a grudge after everything I've done.”, he screwed up his face in agony as a uncalled and unwanted stream of memories flooded his brain. Seifer took a few steadying breaths, then opened his eyes once more, little specks of light were disrupting his sight. He blinked rapidly to get rid of them, when his gaze landed on a piece of paper only barely sticking out from under the couch. He snatched it up, guessing it was something that belongs to Squall and therefore something ranging from trash to super important international politics shit. It was indeed something Squall had brought here and left on the table in clear sight, several days before.  
“The SEED exam application form...”, Seifer had declined every single time Squall had tried to talk him into trying again, for a last and final time. If he did not make it this time, he will never get the chance again. To prove himself to everyone else and most importantly to Squall. He gulped, this was his chance to show everyone that he had changed, to prove himself worthy, this was like Heracles labours except that he only had to deal with one task not twelve. Seifer turned onto his back and stretched, only to grab something very fluffy and very familiar. He pulled Squalls jacket to his face, the fur tickled his nose and nearly made him sneeze. “What we have know is more than I ever dared to dream of while with Ultimecia.”, he told the jacket, then gazed back at the paper.  
“But I want more.”, he sat up and took up the form with his free hand.  
Squalls jacket in his right and the form in his left, he stood up in search for a pen, which he found in the kitchen. “ Uh I really have to do the dishes.”, he mumbled, searching for a surface to write on and finally deciding to just use the fridge, it's surface was mostly free anyways except for an old photograph. So he hung squalls jacket over his shoulder, like a towel and leaned against his fridge.  
“Done.”, he grinned proudly, looking from his form to the photo of himself and his two best friends.  
“I'll make it this time Fu, so you don't hit me again.”, he joked, but then leaned closer to the picture, studying it concentrated. “Yeah I should do this to...”, he mumbled, then returned to the living room, to retrieve his notebook from behind his couch cushions. He started it and locked into the Garden messaging system, opening the group chat with Fujin.

  
“ How tall are you? ”

  
“ 5'9” ”

  
“Perfect!”

“ Why? “

  
“Meet me at the quad, I've got so much to tell you guys.”  
“ASAP”


End file.
